Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
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Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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