I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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