Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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