I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize