the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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