the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize