3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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