I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
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He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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