hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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