Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hippo gnu deer
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize