He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
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so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize