please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize