I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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