Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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