Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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