erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
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he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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