are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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