brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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