is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
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Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
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He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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