how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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