what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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