Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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