They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize