if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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