I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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