no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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