I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
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I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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