Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
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my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
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sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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