Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize