alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize