I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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