I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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