Apparently you make a good broom.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
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Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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