batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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