I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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