It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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