I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
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I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i believe in u and ur pee
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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