I'd wear matching sweaters with you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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