Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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