my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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