My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
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I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
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When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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