BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
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I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
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Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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