i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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