apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize