somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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