I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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