drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
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Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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