Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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