I wish I could teleport
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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