I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize